NOTICE OF ENFORCEMENT
WAKE PROTOCOL ENGAGED
this office processes one matter: you, awake. you will file a wake time. the division will execute it as written. every morning is a different cold open — a different voice, a different absurdity — because your brain learned to mute your old alarm by day three. ours does not repeat. that is the entire point.
everything you tell us during intake will be used against you. at 6:30 AM. you are choosing this.
BINDING
EXHIBITS A–C
EVIDENCE ROOM
these are previews. the real ones are worse. this is documented.
EXHIBIT A · COLD OPEN
drill sergeant. no warning. full loudness from the first syllable. there is no ramp-in. the law caps it at 85 decibels; the law is the only thing holding him back.
EXHIBIT B · NEWS ROAST
this morning's headlines, refracted through a weather anchor from 1987, aimed at your stated interests. filed nightly. moderated twice.
EXHIBIT C · GHOST MODE
payments lapsed. enforcement repossessed. a ghost remains: 35 decibels, 90 to 180 seconds, no escalation. soft. knowing. still ruinous.
SCHEDULE OF FEES
PROTECTION RACKET
the division provides a service. the service is unpleasant. you pay for it anyway. this is the arrangement. three days free, then the arrangement begins.
MONTHLY
$9.99
a month. cancel anytime. the cancellation will be noted.
ANNUAL
$69
a year. save 42%. frugality is also noted.
LIFETIME
$199
once. forever. the file never closes.
no free tier. if the payments lapse, the ghost clause applies.
COMMENCEMENT
ENFORCEMENT BEGINS SOON
the paperwork is nearly complete. worst alarm is in final review and arrives on the app store shortly. no waitlist. no newsletter. the division does not collect emails — it collects mornings.
PENDINGapp store · case № 6778600817